Ephesians 5:21-33

Ephesians 5:21 

submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.

The word “submitting” here has two general uses. One as a military term that organizes subjects in terms of their rank. The other is a general public definition that is volunteer based and assumes the person is cooperative and helps others because they want to not because they have to. This definition seems to fit what Paul is getting at here. We should be helping one another, seeing everyone as equal. None is better than another since we have all been saved by grace. We should be helping each other voluntarily and the force driving that behavior is the fact that we are all under Christ. We fear God and are thankful for what Christ has done and so that changes the way we view and treat other people. Paul is about to use the example of marriage to demonstrate how we treat one another in the church.  

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  

What a dense passage we have before us. It has been used to abuse and embellish selfish desires for centuries. This passage causes many conflicts and many reject the biblical principles taught in this passage because of one word. Submit. A dastardly word many avoid today because of the connotations associated with it. In our minds, this word today means that we give up our desires, freedom, and will to another. If we submit, we are under the control of another and that sounds wonderful to no one. 

In the bible, and specifically in this context of marriage, the wife is to submit to her husband as they do to God. Meaning that wives are to willingly be under the leadership of her husband as this Greek word implies. It is a willingness to obey and be under the leadership of the husband.  The comparison of this relationship is how Christ is the head of the church. The church submits to the leadership of Jesus and so wives are to do the same for their husbands. This is not to say that wives have no freedom and must do everything their husbands say blindly. The command is to willingly be under the leadership of the husband. 

Ephesians 5:25-27 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 

The command here, in light of what was just said, is for husbands to love their wives. This is why submission should not have a bad connotation. Husbands should be loving their wives with dignity and respect. The comparison is how Jesus loves the church and gave his LIFE. What love he has for his church! This same self-sacrificing love is how husbands are to treat their wives, not with judgment or blind obedience but with self-giving love and grace as Jesus has for us. 

Paul gives two reasons why Jesus gave his life for the establishment of the church. To make us holy, to set us apart and to present us before God as faithful witnesses covered by the blood of Jesus. We are set apart by the Word of God and teachings of Jesus and our sins and shortcomings covered by his sacrificed blood. This paints a beautiful picture of how marriage works. Husbands love their wives and so wives are willingly under the headship and this marriage relationship reflects Jesus and the church. The whole context here goes back up to the first verses of this chapter, that we are walking in love and the light of Jesus. Marriage is one main way we Christians do this.  

Ephesians 5:28-33 

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The love of husband and wife is so strong and so unified that when a husband loves his wife in the right way, it is as if he is loving and caring for himself. Again Paul lays claim to Jesus and the church. Jesus cares for the church as he watches over it, guards it, and blesses it. This should be reflected in a marriage. The root of this command is seen in Genesis 2:24, as it is quoted here. This quotation also foreshadows the relationship of Christ and believers and the unity we share being a part of His church. This is all to say that husbands should love their wives and in turn wives reflect their husbands because of the love shown to them. There is no qualm about headship here just as there is not in the church. Marriage is not a “my way or the highway” relationship. Rather it reflects God’s love to the world through love and unification.